A while ago my son had a bad cycle of seizures. There was one that happened while I was at the grocery store. ‘Buddy’ was home with Beatrice a friend/babysitter/med student (we Love her). I was just about done shopping. I was talking with the cashier as he began to check out my items, when my phone rang. It was Beatrice. 'Buddy' was seizing. She had called 911, and was administering the second dose of Diastat to rescue him from the seizure. It finally stopped at 15 min.

I apologized, left my groceries on the counter, and ran to the car. We ended up in the hospital overnight.

A couple days later on a Saturday, I tried again. My husband was home with ‘Buddy’ and my sister came with me to the store. She drove. As we came down the hill to the store I felt my pulse quicken. My throat thickened and swallowing became a conscious effort. My head felt buzzy. I took a deep breath and laughed. My sister asked me what was so funny. My answer was PTSD. I was laughing because I was really glad I had written a blog about it. Doing so made me aware of it. My awareness allowed me to take a deep breath and take control of my body back.

It was a very odd trip through the store. Every time I reached up to an item I had the same dialogue in my head; “I need eggs. No, you got eggs. No, you put eggs in a cart, but they did not go home with you.” “I need cream. No, you got cream. No, you put cream in a cart, but it did not go home with you.” It took so long to make my way through the store because of all this back and forth triple checking. I was so glad my sister was there to help me laugh about it. I think it would have been very scary to manage alone.

Then, half way through the store, a woman accidentally walked off with my cart. Internally I completely panicked. “NO! Don’t make me go through all this again!!! I can’t do it!!!!” I managed to calmly say “Hey, that one is mine.” But I wonder if the terror registered in my eyes, because she was profoundly apologetic. Again, so glad my sister was right there so I could tell her about my panic and disable it with laughter. I got through the trip and restocked my fridge, but honestly, I held off as long as I could before going back. I even thought about having it delivered. I didn’t. I worked my way through instead.

I do find the story interesting though. I enjoy telling it and marveling at the way a persons body can sometimes take control...or try to.

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